The kids have off of school today because it’s Yom Kippur.
To all my Jewish friends: I wish you a rich and meaningful holiday. For those of us who are not Jewish, this is a day for kids to stay in their pajamas until their parents yell at them, which I just did.
I finally turned the TV off at 11:00 to moans of outrage. Then I showed them the list of chores I had made for them to do: strip their beds, practice their music, do homework and clean up their dresser tops, which look like this.
During my recitation of their chores, they mimed various suicide attempts: shooting themselves in the head, hanging themselves with their bathrobe sash, instant heart failure.
I took the remote away, so they could not turn the TV back on. They lay on the floor for a moment, and then went upstairs.
I heard the familiar sounds of cap guns going off, doors slamming, giggling, and footsteps back and forth. They will play until they fight, then I will break it up, then I will yell at them to get the chores done. When they finally do, they will be hungry for lunch, which will require 45 minutes and 5 plates, two skillets and a lot of milk.
Then it will be time to take my oldest out shopping for jeans that fit, because this is his only free day between now and Halloween. When we get back from that, he will want to know what’s for dinner.
And I wonder why I can’t get anything done when they’re home.