The kids have off of school today because it’s Yom
Kippur.
To all my Jewish friends: I wish you a rich and meaningful
holiday. For those of us who are not
Jewish, this is a day for kids to stay in their pajamas until their parents
yell at them, which I just did.
I finally turned the TV off at 11:00 to moans of
outrage. Then I showed them the list of
chores I had made for them to do: strip their
beds, practice their music, do homework and clean up their dresser tops, which look like this.
During my recitation of their chores, they mimed various suicide attempts: shooting themselves in the head, hanging
themselves with their bathrobe sash, instant heart failure.
I took
the remote away, so they could not turn the TV back on. They lay on the floor for a moment, and then
went upstairs.
I heard the familiar sounds of cap guns going off, doors
slamming, giggling, and footsteps back and forth. They
will play until they fight, then I will break it up, then I will yell at them
to get the chores done. When they
finally do, they will be hungry for lunch, which will require 45 minutes and 5
plates, two skillets and a lot of milk.
Then it will be time to take my oldest out shopping for
jeans that fit, because this is his only free day between now and
Halloween. When we get back from that,
he will want to know what’s for dinner.
And I wonder why I can’t get anything done when they’re
home.
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