BAD DOG BAXTER

My dog Baxter is so cute. 

You'd never guess he is the devil.  A few weeks ago he got up on the kitchen counter and ate a stick of butter.  He puked all over the living room rug, at 10 p.m. that night when I was just snuggling down to bed.  I had to get up, clean it up, and it still stank in the morning.  It took us 10 days to get the smell out of the rug.

Did I mention he is a small dog?  Like 16 pounds!  How does he get up on the counter? 

I ran out this afternoon to take the boys' marching band uniforms over to the school in preparation for the big game tonight.  The football team is undefeated!  Go RiverDell! 

When I got back, I saw this.

I thought, uh oh.  Baxter got up here on the stove and nibbled on a homemade banana muffin that I had made yesterday.  Oh well, he didn't eat it all.  I guess he didn't like it.

Then I saw this.

That's the muffin tin upside down.  Oh, yes he did!  He ate the whole tray, wrappers and all.  There were probably eight muffins in there.

The muffins had chocolate chips in them, so I called the vet.  Dogs aren't supposed to eat chocolate.  They're not supposed to get up on kitchen counters and eat the homemade muffins you had planned for your family to enjoy, either.   

The vet said I had to make him vomit by giving him hydrogen peroxide.

Luckily, I had an old bottle upstairs.   I tried pouring a few tablespoons down his throat in the backyard, and he kept spitting it out.  Also, he kept getting distracted by a dead mouse belly up in the middle of the patio.

I had seen that mouse this morning, while I was enjoying my first cup of coffee.  I had planned to pick him up later in the day, when the mood to remove dead rodents struck me, but I got delayed by having to make my dog throw up.  And how is your day going?

I got some newspaper and a plastic bag and threw the mouse in the trash.   Baxter went nuts sniffing the patio where the departed mouse had lain.  But there was no time to mourn Lil' Squeaky's passing - it was time to get back to the puking.

I called my neighbor over and she and her daughters held Baxter down while I squirted the peroxide  down this gullet.  He still didn't throw up.

Finally, I put him in the car to take him to the vet.  He puked in the car right away!  Whaddagooddoggy!  It wasn't much, but I called the vet and she said that would be OK.  She said he might even throw up some more.  Hm.  Something to look forward to.

So I drove him all over the neighborhood for 20 minutes, taking lots of twisty turns, trying to get more out of him.  He didn't puke, but I got a little dizzy.

He still doesn't look too good ... little droopy in the eyes.

I guess I'd feel a little droopy, too, if I ate 8 banana muffins with chocolate chips and then drank 4 tablespoons of hydrogen peroxide.

I'd tell Santa to bring him coal in his stocking, but he'd probably just eat that, too.